Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
