The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
