Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
