Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
