you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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