never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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