I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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