you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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