I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
