Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
