Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So vagazzling was a success
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
