youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I stole a fireplace last night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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