He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
