He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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