The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
