Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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