Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
