I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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