hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
