I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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