I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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