I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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