You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
