Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
