So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
