PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
