one might say we're banned from that church
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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