I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
