I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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