he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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