Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I love having hate sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
