ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
