i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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