he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
