I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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