Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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