that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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