they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
