if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
