if i can run in heels then i can drive
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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