time to smoke my breakfast
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
