just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
