Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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