I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
