we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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