I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
