we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
