I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
