Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
