When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
