Only a mothe r could love this liver
Say something about gay babies.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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