I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
