Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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