The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
