K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
