I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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