Where is the hickey?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
