I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
