when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
