I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
